May 20, 2015- Quarter life Crisis Averted
These past few years, i've been dealing with a lot of life questions and have been tackling them one by one. I believe in the concept of holistic health-- and i'm a weirdo (or maybe I just have too many existential thoughts) in the sense that I consider happiness a personal success. It's safe to say that i've been consciously "choosing to be happy" since the beginning of 2010, when I made the decision to cut drama out of my life and only hung around people who made me feel good and appreciated. It took a bit longer for me to quit pursuing a degree that was making me unhappy, but I finally did it (a billion dollars worth of student loans later), and I am so glad I dodged that bullet. I'm left with a huge sum to pay off, but i'm happy with the decision.
Making a life-changing decision or going through enormous change can really pull the ground beneath your feet, but I can honestly say that these 180 degree turns have been the best learning experiences for me. I've adapted through so many changes that i've literally stopped taking no for an answer. In my book, anything can happen if you want it to.
"If there's a will, there's a way" and "No sacrifice no victory" are just a few of the mottos that I live by. Another one that I tell myself when times are tough is "Stop being a little b*tch"-- it helps. LOL. I also do not have much patience for people who don't know how to help themselves. That's just me, i'm a tough love kinda gal. It's because I know only YOU can get yourself out of whatever hole you're in, and TBH, it doesn't really matter who put you in that difficult situation. We can talk about it all day, but it will not make your problem go away. I'm a fix-it person, so if you come to me with with 10 problems and making zero changes to fix them, I will go all Judge Judy on your arse.
Making a life-changing decision or going through enormous change can really pull the ground beneath your feet, but I can honestly say that these 180 degree turns have been the best learning experiences for me. I've adapted through so many changes that i've literally stopped taking no for an answer. In my book, anything can happen if you want it to.
"If there's a will, there's a way" and "No sacrifice no victory" are just a few of the mottos that I live by. Another one that I tell myself when times are tough is "Stop being a little b*tch"-- it helps. LOL. I also do not have much patience for people who don't know how to help themselves. That's just me, i'm a tough love kinda gal. It's because I know only YOU can get yourself out of whatever hole you're in, and TBH, it doesn't really matter who put you in that difficult situation. We can talk about it all day, but it will not make your problem go away. I'm a fix-it person, so if you come to me with with 10 problems and making zero changes to fix them, I will go all Judge Judy on your arse.
So when I started going through a really ugly time in 2014 and ran away to Australia, I knew it would come with repercussions. It was awesome taking a break from reality (what is real life, even?), but when the one year was up and I came back home, I was exactly in the same spot where I left-- lost in the rubble of my quarter life crisis. It is so tempting to fly off to some exotic country to get inspired... but I have to figure out where I am in life right now and where I wanna go next. Things like these you can't put off for too long. I need to line up my ducks. I need a plan, and these past 3 months have been spent planning and plotting (world domination?!) how i'm gonna answer the big questions. Time to make my life make sense again. That's what a quarter life crisis really is, in my humble opinion-- the feeling of being stranded and clueless as to where to go next.
Make a list of what you want in your life. Make THE LIST. Make this list a secret, and write all your dreams and desires (especially the ones you've been denying yourself for fear of being judged!!). Be 100% honest with yourself. You don't need to tell anyone anything about this list. Keep it in the back of your mind, or in the back of a notebook, and slowly work towards it. These are the things that your authentic self wouldn't dream of telling your friends and family about-- because it sounds like a stupid idea and you think people will think you're on crack. Well guess what? YOLO! I always make sure that my rocket is ready for blast off before I tell people about my crazy plan. I do not accept objections. Did I cancel my flight to South Korea when they were receiving nuclear threats? No!
Maybe I AM on crack.
Kidding aside, I am serious about writing this "secret list". Everytime i've been completely honest to myself about what I wanted, i've attracted these things into my life, and in most cases, things just fell into place. If it's too embarassing, don't discuss it with other people. The main thing is that you're letting yourself dream again. Personally, I have a habit of claiming things. When I want something, I consider it done. There is no bargaining, it is mine. If the world is making it impossible for me to reach that goal, I wait. I wait for the right time and work on other goals instead. But I keep my secret list in the back of my mind, and like a crouching tiger, I pounce when the time is right.
Australia wasn't a random move. It was on my "list" for four years (I swear i'm not a psycho...). When I took a break from school, it was the first thing that came to mind. Everything happened seamlessly. I got my old job back the same day I quit school, and a week later I got promoted on my second job. Money started rolling in. My boss f*cked up the payroll and I got paid $200 dollars more. I got a $150 tip from my third job (a girl's gotta work, you know). I ended up with the exact amount that I needed to pay for a ticket to Australia. It wasn't a coincidence. It was God in motion. He was helping me reach my goal, which is a good thing because it sure wasn't Santa who I was writing my list to :p #imcheesyok. Seriously though, fortune favours the brave. Although to be fair, i'm not really that brave... i'm just really curious. hehe.
In the bigger scheme of things, having a quarter life crisis can actually be a good thing. When we go through a "crisis", it forces us to re-evaluate our decisions and make the necessary changes to survive. It's a wake up call-- and I hope that you recognize it. It's there to make your life better-- even if it feels like hell at the moment. It challenges your priorities and defines your character. If you want to get out of a crisis, a good place to start is by having an honest conversation with yourself, and not running away to another country.
Remember: If you feel lost, start by writing down ALL your dreams and goals. Start from a happy and hopeful place. Make your dream list, but make it realistic (something you can assign a timeline to). Ask yourself if the things on the list are worth the hassle. If the answer is yes, get ready to work for it. This list also makes for a wonderful contingency plan in case you go through another crisis-- but I hope one is enough! Good luck :)
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